So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
