I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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