Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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