i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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