His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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