HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
