Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
