I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How's work?
Spinning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
