True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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