her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
