but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
