You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
