she pinky promised me she was 18
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
