You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
