maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you win again, gameday.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
