Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
