420 ftw
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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