i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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