It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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