Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so let's talk penis.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize
