I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
