Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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