I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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