Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
