do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize