he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
