i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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