white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize