I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
