Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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