Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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