i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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