my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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