After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
