god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
