Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
