she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
