Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
