Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
not ubering you a puppy
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
