So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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