just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
