That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Terrible idea I love it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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