New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
