Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
