I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
