**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just invented taco cereal.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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