he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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