he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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