Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
