First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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