I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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