sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
