Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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