is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
