As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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