i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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