so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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