She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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