I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
