How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
