Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
