I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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