I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
