You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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