You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
