I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
