I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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