I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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