Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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