I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
