you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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