Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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