The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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