omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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