dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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