I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
