Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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