I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize