you win again, gameday.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
