ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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