you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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