Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
