If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
