This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
