I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize