Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
