Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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