I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
