He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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