haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
